Sunday, April 10, 2011

I Don't Need Your Pity....

No one ever said that life was fair...
and I'm not saying that it should be...
so knowing that you are what you want to be...
and I'm not comes as no surprise...
but don't expect me to be happy for you...
and dont smile at me and tell me things will work out for me too...
I don't want your pity...

Friday, March 11, 2011


is a day that I feel so alone...
feel so empty...
I don't know how 2 say...
don't know how 2 explain...
it's a hard feeling...
feeling so sad...
I'm really hope it...
hope it will fade away...

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Love and Rejection: Breaking Up

    Some felt they were a modern day Romeo and Juliet. The reality,
    however, is that they were a heartbreaking example of what can go wrong with
    Christian Dalvia, 14 and Maryling Flores, 13 were sweethearts who
    were forbidden by Flores’ mother to see each other. In early November, 1995,
    the young couple met one last time. Standing at the edge of a Florida canal,
    they joined hands and jumped 15 feet into the cold, murky water to their
    Their deaths may sound romantic, even heroic to other teenagers when,
    in actuality, it’s just plain stupid. There were probably many other reasons for
    their deaths, but ultimately, the thought of not being together tortured to the
    point of wanting to take their own lives. This is a very extreme example of
    what can go wrong with teenage heartbreak. One minute they’re inseperable -
    sharing their most intimate thoughts and details – the next minute they are
    faces across a crowded room or polite acquaintances at best. These are the
    consequences that come along with a breakup.
    We teens hear about love all around us, in music and movies, on TV,
    in stories. We hear that love will make us happy. We hear that single people
    are lonely. We are told that if we are not part of a couple, we are not
    complete. We all want to be part of this thing called ‘love’.
    Okay, we get a boyfriend or girlfriend, now everything should be
    perfect. But, it’s not perfect, because life never is. It is easy to become
    disappointed. Feelings can change. One person may decide to say good-bye.
    When that happens, the one left behind will feel rejected.
    Rejection means choosing between one thing and another. The one
    who feels rejected thinks as if they are not good enough. It hurts. When the
    person you love decides to leave you, it is even more painful. Does rejection
    mean failure? No. The end of a relationship means that the boyfriend or
    girlfriend decided that s/he wanted a change. The reasons for this are within
    the ex – not within the rejected person. No one is a less valuable person
    because their boyfriend or girlfriend’s feelings have changed.
    What To Expect
    There are nine stages of rejection that almost all “dumpees” must go
    through. The pain may be awful, but each stage is part of the healing process.
    The stages may not follow in an exact order, but they will all be experienced.
    The Denial Phase: “This can’t be happening.” During this stage, people may
    find themselves waiting for the phone to ring and not believing that the
    relationship is over.
    Solution: Acknowledge your feelings about what has happened. Accept, but
    do not dwell on shame and embarrassment, and all the
    The Bargaining Phase: Driving yourself crazy, thinking that, “If I get my hair
    cut,” or “If I don’t call her for a week,” s/he will change his/her mind.
    Solution: Accept that it’s over.
    The Loneliness Phase: Feeling as if no one understands or cares.
    Solution: Surround yourself with people who do care, and those who openly
    say so. Remind yourself often that you are loved.
    The Heartbreak Phase: Feeling like your heart is really breaking. You may even
    feel pain in your chest, or want to throw up when you think of the person or
    see the person with someone else.
    Solution: You can go on. If you’re feeling really bad, snap your fingers to
    interrupt the thought.
    The Blame Phase: Pointing the finger at you or at your ex for what each of you
    did wrong.
    Solution: Decide that neither of you are at fault and both of you are
    responsible for the breakup.
    The Depression Phase: Feeling sad, worthless, and foolish. You have trouble
    eating and sleeping and you may imagine you’ll never love again.
    Solution: Allow yourself to feel pain but don’t wallow in self-pity. Keep busy
    with exercise or projects.
    The Anger Phase: Feeling furious for being rejected.
    Solution: Experience the anger, but don’t exaggerate it. Don’t let yourself
    become bitter.
    The Acceptance Phase: Finally believing that it is over. You no longer expect
    your ex to call and you begin to feel at peace.
    The Healing Phase: Getting your life back. Ready to meet new people and
    you’re no longer dwelling over your ex.
    These phases are all healthy ways to recover from a breakup.
    The Wrong Moves
    Just as there are ways to properly cope with ending a relationship, there
    are also unhealthy ways that some of us are drawn to do.
    In trying to cope with a breakup, many use manipulative methods to
    require personal power (the freedom of choice and movement). Some of these
    manipulative methods are by going through the ex’s best friend and playing
    detective (is he seeing anyone? is she still upset?), threatening incapacitations (I
    won’t be able to concentrate, do go or you’ll make me depressed), making
    impossible promises (I’ll do whatever you ask, If I ever lose my temper, just
    snap your fingers and I’ll calm down) – your ex doesn’t believe these, you don’t
    believe these, so don’t say them. – and finally, by threatening revenge. A
    personal example of this is a friend who we’ll call Christine. When school
    started, Christine was dating Tom who eventually left her to date their mutual
    friend, Megan. Christine was extremely upset and she told Tom she would
    get back at him. She told him she would tell his mom he’d been doing drugs.
    Obviously, Tom got angry and told Christine to stay away from his family.
    As it turned out, Christine never followed through on her threats.
    They were just an underhanded ploy to make Tom upset. This is not a
    mature way of handling a breakup, which is true for most teenage heartbreak.
    Another incorrect method of recovery is harassment. The harasser is
    the person who, for example, is obsessed with driving by the ex’s house or
    place of work, calls the other just to hear his or her voice and tries to cover it
    up with lies like, “I was just in the neighborhood,” and “I think I dialed the
    wrong number..”. The severity of the obsession is measured by the time that
    is spent on it, the degree of stress it causes, lack of control, and interference in
    one’s life and responsibilities. In severe cases, medications can help. As many
    as one in forty Americans have some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder.
    Along with harassment, physical abuse is yet another extremely wrong
    way to handle rejection. Physical abuse includes such things as slapping,
    kicking, hair pulling, shaking, and arm twisting. People who are being abused
    are advised to avoid all possible contact with their furious ex. People who are
    abusing are urged to seek help and break off all contact with the person
    they’re abusing.
    Extreme depression cases due to heartbreak may also lead to physical
    violence towards oneself. The teenage suicide rate is up nearly 200% in the
    past twenty years. Teens must realize that no matter how bad things seem,
    everyone goes through it and everyone gets over it.
    All of the above methods are completely wrong ways to regain personal
    power. When attempting to let go, one should break contact and avoid
    hanging around places where you know he or she will be. You should accept
    that it’s over, stop asking why, realize and accept your emotions, decide to let
    go of the past by staying away from emotional traps, by learning from your
    mistakes and by looking forward to the future.
    Repairing The Hurt
    What makes breaking up so traumatic? Often, there are many
    unresolved emotions and unfinished business. If you see an ex too soon, you
    risk triggering those unresolved feelings and fantasies, which will prevent you
    from moving on. But when the time is right, such reunions can also be a
    valuable opportunity to work through the unfinished business. Sometimes
    you’ll discover that all of the feelings of unworthiness or rejection that you’ve
    been harbouring are overblown. Such realizations allow you to move on to
    new relationships.
    Don’t rush a reunion with your ex – give yourself plenty of time for the
    wounds to heal. When you are both ready, get together and review what
    happened. Explain the things that hurt you, what you wanted, what you
    feared, and what you miss. With distance and a fresh perspective, any
    lingering pain may ease, and a new love may emerge.
    Many of us entertain the fantasy of seeing an ex and having him or her
    say, ” You were right all along, take me back!” This would restore your feeling
    that you and your love mattered, but it actually only happens in a few cases so
    you shouldn’t let your hopes skyrocket.
    If all of these steps are both followed and avoided, the dumped
    individual would’ve gone through all the tearful, sorrowful, raging,
    self-blaming and forgiving feelings that compromise the emotional progression
    of ending a relationship, and they’ve come a long way towards their emotional
    On The Other Hand…
    Now, we’ve concluded that teens can sometimes overreact when they’ve
    been dumped (suicide, depression, obsession, etc). As compared to adult
    breakups which tend to be more civilized on average, teens really have no
    reason to be severely depressed due to the fact that they have their whole life
    ahead of them. Adults on the other hand, have much more to worry about
    than teenagers. For example, adults have to worry about taking care of
    finances that were previously shared, the effect the breakup will have on their
    career, and how their children will react. In most cases, they don’t have the
    time to waste on harassment or obsession. Sure, they’ll be upset, but not to
    the suicidal point as teens too often are.
    Because children look to their parents to keep them safe, the lack of a
    family member could heighten their sense of vulnerability. The parent who
    remains with the child or children has to assume the role of the other parent
    in the financial, physical, and emotional aspects.
    From a personal viewpoint, adults have a lot more to worry about than
    teenagers do so logically, they should be the ones overreacting, but they’re not.
    It probably all boils down to the teenage self-esteem issue. It’s way up when
    they’ve got a boyfriend and when a breakup occurs, it plummets down and
    they lose control of their emotions. This is when the “wrong moves” come
    into play. If there was only a way to ensure high self-esteem in today’s
    teenagers we wouldn’t have to worry about teen’s being pushed to the limit by
    their overwhelming emotions.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Welcome post...

I'm new here...
wait 4 the other post...
hope all of u will enjoy it...